Child bullied at a local establishment

I think "slow-to-understand" Klinker just doesn't get it?

Maybe if we all call you "slow-to-understand" Klinker, you will learn faster.  Shall we try this?

yes or if slow to understand klinker is too subtle we could escalate . Those with thicker skin may need more pointed language.

susan1014 said:

First and foremost, talk to the owner of the establishment.  If the bully is an employee, the owner needs to know and have a chance to react.  If the bully is the owner, then you have at least given them a chance to deal with the situation before you (inevitably and appropriately) give negative reviews of his/her business to those in your network.

I think this is the best advice.

what advice.  you pulled your kid out.  what more advice do you need.

It strikes me that there are some bullies in this thread....

susan1014 said:

It strikes me that there are some bullies in this thread....

Yes!

Robert_Casotto said:

what advice.  you pulled your kid out.  what more advice do you need.

This is constructive how?

I'm not sure I'd confuse direct talk or the expression of a contrary opinion "bullying", even if the tone might leave something to be desired, but that's just me.  In any case, if the child is no longer there and there's no intention of making anything public, other than talking to the owner for some sort of self-satisfaction or faint chance they'll change for someone else later in that position (as has already been suggested), there's not a lot left to do.

Klinker said:

If the kid is consistently the last to finish any given activity, I don't think it would be outrageous to call him or her "slowpoke". 

"Hey slowpoke! Why are you always the last to finish your applesauce?"

"I have acid reflux and have to eat very slowly or I throw up all over the place. My parents say I'll grow out of it but for now it's a daily challenge that I, a five year old child, am stuck explaining to you, a clueless *****."

Well, there IS that....

Is 5 too young to begin learning that the world is full of jerks?

LOST said:

Is 5 too young to begin learning that the world is full of jerks?

That's a tough question, but we don't really have to answer it because it doesn't apply to this situation.  This situation, one has a right to assume, is an unusual one, and a particularly hard thing for a child to have to face.  I don't think every kid learns that someone in a respected position of authority, and in charge of that kids well being for the time of a class, should be faced with being called a name and being mocked by that very person.  No I don't think we should ask 5 year olds to expect that of "the world".   

RobB said:

How about the teacher needs a thicker skin. If a five year old rattles you to the point you have to start calling him names, maybe it's time for another line of work.

Yes.

I think under about 12 years old (depending on the relative maturity of the child) is too young to be discouraged about trying any activity (class, sport, instrument, etc) because an "authority" (or instructor) in that activity belittles the child's efforts.  Even without "name calling" or "bullying" (or however one wants to term what happened to OP's child), I've seen kids too often not try or give up on activities because they think they'll never get "good", aren't as good as peers etc.

Life might be full of jerks, but I'd rather not have them instructing children whose little egos usually have not matured enough to distinguish between a jerk and their own relative abilities.

LOST said:

Is 5 too young to begin learning that the world is full of jerks?

LOST said:

Is 5 too young to begin learning that the world is full of jerks?

To me, protecting your 5-year-old from jerks is one of the major responsibilities of parenthood. The most important thing for kids that age (or any age) is to feel loved and supported and to be able to build confidence and a sense of self. "Suck it up, kid" is not a great parenting strategy, IMO. It's certainly true that the world is full of jerks, but as a parent I deal with that by making absolutely sure my kids know I'm 100% on their side in these kinds of situations. The problem is the jerk, not my kids' supposed "thin skin," and my job is to make sure they know that. But everyone's different with this stuff, I realize. YRMV.

imonlysleeping said:

LOST said:

Is 5 too young to begin learning that the world is full of jerks?

To me, protecting your 5-year-old from jerks is one of the major responsibilities of parenthood. The most important thing for kids that age (or any age) is to feel loved and supported and to be able to build confidence and a sense of self. "Suck it up, kid" is not a great parenting strategy, IMO. It's certainly true that the world is full of jerks, but as a parent I deal with that by making absolutely sure my kids know I'm 100% on their side in these kinds of situations. The problem is the jerk, not my kids' supposed "thin skin," and my job is to make sure they know that. But everyone's different with this stuff, I realize. YRMV.

Tell me about it. I had an attitude already at age 5 according to my mother.

Exactly...and if the OP doesn't get satisfaction, I'd actually love to hear which of our local institutions I should avoid with my own children (rather than just assuming, perhaps incorrectly, based on this thread)

lanky said:

Life might be full of jerks, but I'd rather not have them instructing children whose little egos usually have not matured enough to distinguish between a jerk and their own relative abilities.

LOST said:

Is 5 too young to begin learning that the world is full of jerks?

Same here.

susan1014 said:

I'd actually love to hear which of our local institutions I should avoid with my own children (rather than just assuming, perhaps incorrectly, based on this thread)

Ditto.

sprout said:

I think "slow-to-understand" Klinker just doesn't get it?

Maybe if we all call you "slow-to-understand" Klinker, you will learn faster.  Shall we try this?

No, but I would enjoy the irony. Call me what you like, my parents equipped me to deal with life's little ups and downs. I do not bruise easily.  I can only hope that my children will develop the same fortitude as the world can be a harsh place and there will not always be awards for "good effort" or participation.

For those of you who want to brush this off as unimportant, I'll ask this...would it also be OK for a 5-year-old's kindergarten teacher to stick a child with an unwanted/derogatory nickname?

If not, then why is it OK for some other instructor to do this?  Which sorts of instructors get a pass on being kind and respectful to small children?

Klinker said:

sprout said:

I think "slow-to-understand" Klinker just doesn't get it?

Maybe if we all call you "slow-to-understand" Klinker, you will learn faster.  Shall we try this?

No, but I would enjoy the irony. Call me what you like, my parents equipped me to deal with life's little ups and downs. I do not bruise easily.  I can only hope that my children will develop the same fortitude as the world can be a harsh place and there will not always be awards for "good effort" or participation.

I think you're twisting this incident into something it's not in order to make a point that doesn't apply. I also think--my opinion--that "fortitude" is not something that is usefully developed at age 5.

yougotme said:

My intention for this thread is just to get some advice! I am not going to name the business or give the nickname as I do not want to slam anyone on a message board.  I just want some constructive advice on how to handle this.  I spoke to my kid about the incident and we are moving on as the kid no longer goes to that class. 

I don't understand.  What kind of advice do you need?  Your kid was made fun of, you took him away from the situation, you know the jerk who did it is the owner.  What is it you want from us?  Confirmation you did the right thing?  A pat on the back for being a proactive parent and doing what you should be doing?? 

And now, we are left with a jerk of a business owner who feels ridicule is an appropriate teaching method and you refuse to name him or his establishment.

gee, thanks

Klinker said:

sprout said:

I think "slow-to-understand" Klinker just doesn't get it?

Maybe if we all call you "slow-to-understand" Klinker, you will learn faster.  Shall we try this?

No, but I would enjoy the irony. Call me what you like, my parents equipped me to deal with life's little ups and downs. I do not bruise easily.  I can only hope that my children will develop the same fortitude as the world can be a harsh place and there will not always be awards for "good effort" or participation.

See... you still don't get it.  This is not what this question is about. Try again.

SammiJ said:

yougotme said:

My intention for this thread is just to get some advice! I am not going to name the business or give the nickname as I do not want to slam anyone on a message board.  I just want some constructive advice on how to handle this.  I spoke to my kid about the incident and we are moving on as the kid no longer goes to that class. 

I don't understand.  What kind of advice do you need?  Your kid was made fun of, you took him away from the situation, you know the jerk who did it is the owner.  What is it you want from us?  Confirmation you did the right thing?  A pat on the back for being a proactive parent and doing what you should be doing?? 

And now, we are left with a jerk of a business owner who feels ridicule is an appropriate teaching method and you refuse to name him or his establishment.


gee, thanks

Agree.  Sorry.

I can understand the OP wanting to do something to improve the situation for a future pupil/participant other than blast them on MOL.

My advice is to let the owner know why you pulled your child out of the class and hope that the he/she learns from this income loss. 

The OP didn't pull his/her child from class because of this. S/he found out about it after the fact. I think s/he was just wondering if s/he should say something or do something. 

TigerLilly said:

The OP didn't pull his/her child from class because of this. S/he found out about it after the fact. I think s/he was just wondering if s/he should say something or do something. 

Yes, that was my take on the situation too. The child is out of the class anyway, but something troubling came up after and OP wants to know whether/how to address it.

It is possible to teach kids how to handle difficult situations while also moving them away from adults that are belittling them. There are many lessons to be had here, one being that you have the choice to abandon abusive relationships. You are not required to hang around a**holes. Accepting abusive behavior is not the same as developing "thick skin."

Klinker said:

sprout said:

I think "slow-to-understand" Klinker just doesn't get it?

Maybe if we all call you "slow-to-understand" Klinker, you will learn faster.  Shall we try this?

No, but I would enjoy the irony. Call me what you like, my parents equipped me to deal with life's little ups and downs. I do not bruise easily.  I can only hope that my children will develop the same fortitude as the world can be a harsh place and there will not always be awards for "good effort" or participation.

The more I read silly gender-inclusive hashmarks in sentences, the more I realize I can live with using plural pronouns when referring to a single person.  No offense.  Carry on.