Child bullied at a local establishment
ctrzaska said:
The more I read silly gender-inclusive hashmarks in sentences, the more I realize I can live with using plural pronouns when referring to a single person. No offense. Carry on.
I was feeling particular. Carry on.
Most of mol will likely disagree with me on this -- there is a reason our modern society finds review sites like yelp and amazon valuable--they protect us from shady businesses. I don't care if this is a local darling business or not and if I were the OP, I would openly share the story not only on mol but whatever other review sites apply as well, so that other kids don't end up being treated the same way ...
I'm sorry this happened to your kid.. if I had a kid I would likely be pissed off if this happened to him/her, but I would have a desire to warn others in the community and perhaps send a hint to a shady business owner to learn how to treat kids ...
Honestly without knowing the details, you get these multi-page threads of speculation and assumptions -- oh the kid/society is soft, oh this is terrible and horrible--but honestly without the details we do not know ... if it isn't bad then letting people know the details wont harm the business, and if it is bad, then at least others will be warned prior to sending their kids there... otherwise it's just an empty discussion
i get what you are saying, but the good thing about a small business in a small town is that you can go to the owner and chat. If all of this is thrown immediately online and then you find out the second child was exaggerating and it wasn't a big deal the business could be badly damaged without good reason.
dave said:
Klinker
Realized that was first out loud laugh all day, says very little for my day though.
Positive Coaching Alliance has resources around this issue and I have had positive first hand experience with their programs. Not sure of the relevance to this specific instance but perhaps you will find some of their information helpful. We use them for training within our sport for coaches, parents and team leaders.
https://www.positivecoach.org/our-story/pca-in-the-news/news-detail/787/bullying-and-hazing-in-youth-sports-%3E%3E
"There are many lessons to be had here, one being that you have the choice to abandon abusive relationships. You are not required to hang around a**holes. Accepting abusive behavior is not the same as developing "thick skin."
This great advice resonated for me in a completely different context (work) this morning. Thank you for the reminder.
I have read this thread for the past few days and here is my take, we have a whole lot of people here in this community who love to chime in and act holier than thou with no freaking information at all.
Should kids not be bullied by adults? - Absolutely, but we have no clue what took place because practically no information was provided.
How can we defend or condemn actions if we have no details. You guys sound like those idiots who are running around saying that Obama is going to take my guns because they heard a tiny snippet on FoxNews.
jeffhandy said:
I have read this thread for the past few days and here is my take, we have a whole lot of people here in this community who love to chime in and act holier than thou with no freaking information at all.
Should kids not be bullied by adults? - Absolutely, but we have no clue what took place because practically no information was provided.
How can we defend or condemn actions if we have no details. You guys sound like those idiots who are running around saying that Obama is going to take my guns because they heard a tiny snippet on FoxNews.
"People keep discussing things on this discussion forum! Stop it! I'm warnin you!"
I have my guess as to where this happened based on a comment I observed at one place that led me to say "never again" for our family and spread the word to friends and neighbors (some of whom have had a different experience and still support the business).
On the one hand, a solo establishment may be owned by someone who is simply unenlightened or unwilling to "get it" or make any efforts to change or do the right thing, even if you try to have a heart to heart about why this was offensive to you and led to your leaving the business. That being said, I do feel like if the wrong thing is happening consistently at a local business, it should be reported "somewhere" so a groundswell could eventually be heard, if that is the case. Unlike a bad experience at a grocery store, or coffee shop (where you can just vote with your wallet, no harm/no foul), and because we are talking about what sounds like a kids drop-off class where parents are less likely to be witnessing firsthand the potentially inappropriate behavior, it may not make sense here to just leave well enough alone because your child is no longer experiencing it.
If your heart is telling you that you need to do more, maybe write the business owner a letter and let him/her know what happened and why you left, and maybe also send a copy to the mayor and the landlord if you know who the landlord is. Your son's experience might be a misunderstanding or a one off, but at least you have passed along the info in case it wasn't.
Hey RobB, the key is information, without it a discussion is worthless.
deborahg said:
"There are many lessons to be had here, one being that you have the choice to abandon abusive relationships. You are not required to hang around a**holes. Accepting abusive behavior is not the same as developing "thick skin."
This great advice resonated for me in a completely different context (work) this morning. Thank you for the reminder.
... The discussion may or may not have helped the OP, but it appears it was not worthless.
"There are many lessons to be had here, one being that you have the choice to abandon abusive relationships. You are not required to hang around a**holes. Accepting abusive behavior is not the same as developing "thick skin."
THIS.
I also have my guess about the establishment in question. If I'm right, plenty of folks have spoken to owner to no avail, plenty have left and plenty I know love the place.
I read many but not all posts on this and so this may have been covered. But one thing I think I see is this is based on the second hand comments of another child - presumably another 5 year old? I just caution that, in my experience, kids sometimes don't represent things correctly or provide (or understand)all relevant details. There is of course no excuse for taunting or teasing by an adult whatsoever. But if the sole source was a child, the information the OP received may not have been complete. Did the OP's child corroborate the information? I didn't see if that was the case but I may have missed something. I write this not to dismiss the concern but to say that it may not be as severe as you fear.
Klinker said:
imonlysleeping said:
It's absurd to say a 5-year-old needs a thicker skin. Come on. This thread proves that there is NOTHING on MOL that somebody won't find some way to be contrarian about. We should all be able to agree that kindergartners shouldn't be called names, either by a teacher or in any other situation.
I think there is a difference between a nickname (like Pokey) and a "name" (like Fatso). But hey, different strokes for different folks. I have a five year old and I certainly am not going to start a thread if some one calls him "Slow Poke".
There is no difference. Your point is lost on normal thinking parents.
sprout said:
I think "slow-to-understand" Klinker just doesn't get it?
Maybe if we all call you "slow-to-understand" Klinker, you will learn faster. Shall we try this?
He's not 5 years old
SammiJ said:
yougotme said:
My intention for this thread is just to get some advice! I am not going to name the business or give the nickname as I do not want to slam anyone on a message board. I just want some constructive advice on how to handle this. I spoke to my kid about the incident and we are moving on as the kid no longer goes to that class.
I don't understand. What kind of advice do you need? Your kid was made fun of, you took him away from the situation, you know the jerk who did it is the owner. What is it you want from us? Confirmation you did the right thing? A pat on the back for being a proactive parent and doing what you should be doing??
And now, we are left with a jerk of a business owner who feels ridicule is an appropriate teaching method and you refuse to name him or his establishment.
gee, thanks
You are wrong. Reread the OP.
I did, multiple times.
What the OP did is called dumping. They took their issue to a public forum and dumped their story/angst/thoughts on us to make sure they are doing something right, moved on and we are all stuck with the residual crap they don't or will not deal with. Yet we are all still discussing it.
My comment was meant for the big picture. Not all of us are privy to who the teacher/instructor/business was that is involved. Yet, while I may consider sending my step-child, niece, nephew, cousin or friends child to this place, I can no longer make an informed decision because the OP (original problem dumper) refuses to name the location.
My comment still stands
Gee thanks
But now the follow up is this, none of my younger relatives will ever go to any after school activities or businesses in SO or Maplewood. I don't have the extra hours to research local businesses to make sure the kids will be treated fairly.
I am amazed that the OP who PAID for the instruction, took time out of their schedule and their children's schedule, and took time out to write the post is just going let it pass...
what a waste
gee, thanks again
Woot said:
SammiJ said:
yougotme said:
My intention for this thread is just to get some advice! I am not going to name the business or give the nickname as I do not want to slam anyone on a message board. I just want some constructive advice on how to handle this. I spoke to my kid about the incident and we are moving on as the kid no longer goes to that class.
I don't understand. What kind of advice do you need? Your kid was made fun of, you took him away from the situation, you know the jerk who did it is the owner. What is it you want from us? Confirmation you did the right thing? A pat on the back for being a proactive parent and doing what you should be doing??
And now, we are left with a jerk of a business owner who feels ridicule is an appropriate teaching method and you refuse to name him or his establishment.
gee, thanks
You are wrong. Reread the OP.
SammiJ said:
I did, multiple times.
What the OP did is called dumping. They took their issue to a public forum and dumped their story/angst/thoughts on us to make sure they are doing something right, moved on and we are all stuck with the residual crap they don't or will not deal with. Yet we are all still discussing it.
My comment was meant for the big picture. Not all of us are privy to who the teacher/instructor/business was that is involved. Yet, while I may consider sending my step-child, niece, nephew, cousin or friends child to this place, I can no longer make an informed decision because the OP (original problem dumper) refuses to name the location.
My comment still stands
Gee thanks
But now the follow up is this, none of my younger relatives will ever go to any after school activities or businesses in SO or Maplewood. I don't have the extra hours to research local businesses to make sure the kids will be treated fairly.
I am amazed that the OP who PAID for the instruction, took time out of their schedule and their children's schedule, and took time out to write the post is just going let it pass...
what a waste
gee, thanks again
Woot said:
SammiJ said:
yougotme said:
My intention for this thread is just to get some advice! I am not going to name the business or give the nickname as I do not want to slam anyone on a message board. I just want some constructive advice on how to handle this. I spoke to my kid about the incident and we are moving on as the kid no longer goes to that class.
I don't understand. What kind of advice do you need? Your kid was made fun of, you took him away from the situation, you know the jerk who did it is the owner. What is it you want from us? Confirmation you did the right thing? A pat on the back for being a proactive parent and doing what you should be doing??
And now, we are left with a jerk of a business owner who feels ridicule is an appropriate teaching method and you refuse to name him or his establishment.
gee, thanks
You are wrong. Reread the OP.
I read about a mother asking for help on what to do next. Maybe I'm not cynical enough.
Or maybe I'm not blood-thirsty enough, to require a potentially dissatisfied mother trash a local business online.
While I didn't name the business on this thread, I have received numerous private messages asking if it is one particular business in town. Glad to see that I am not the only person to think the owner's behaviour is out of line. Secondly, the owner of said business has commented on this thread making me believe that said owner knows it is inappropriate to berate a 5 year old! Said owner must have had a really traumatic and sad childhood! I feel more pity for the owner than anger. I was able to remove my kid from an abusive environment maybe there wasn’t anyone to remove you from your childhood abuse!
One thing I am noticing in some posts is that this is not being seen from the perspective of a child. A five year-old or even a teenager is likely to be much more sensitive to negative or insulting comments from an adult than is another adult. So, I don't think the suck it up point of view is particularly appropriate. Show our young people how they should be treated and then when they are adults they will be more likely to insist on proper behavior.
yougotme said:
While I didn't name the business on this thread, I have received numerous private messages asking if it is one particular business in town. Glad to see that I am not the only person to think the owner's behaviour is out of line. Secondly, the owner of said business has commented on this thread making me believe that said owner knows it is inappropriate to berate a 5 year old! Said owner must have had a really traumatic and sad childhood! I feel more pity for the owner than anger. I was able to remove my kid from an abusive environment maybe there wasn’t anyone to remove you from your childhood abuse!
Given the fact that I am the only poster here who seemed to think you were over reacting I think I should clarify that I am not a business owner although my family does patronize the business to which I strongly suspect you are referring. The owner of that business does post here but has (wisely I think) not commented on this thread.
Klinker said:
yougotme said:
While I didn't name the business on this thread, I have received numerous private messages asking if it is one particular business in town. Glad to see that I am not the only person to think the owner's behaviour is out of line. Secondly, the owner of said business has commented on this thread making me believe that said owner knows it is inappropriate to berate a 5 year old! Said owner must have had a really traumatic and sad childhood! I feel more pity for the owner than anger. I was able to remove my kid from an abusive environment maybe there wasn’t anyone to remove you from your childhood abuse!
Given the fact that I am the only poster here who seemed to think you were over reacting I think I should clarify that I am not a business owner although my family does patronize the business to which I strongly suspect you are referring. The owner of that business does post here but has (wisely I think) not commented on this thread.
The OP said that the owner HAD commented in the thread.
sac said:
Klinker said:
yougotme said:
While I didn't name the business on this thread, I have received numerous private messages asking if it is one particular business in town. Glad to see that I am not the only person to think the owner's behaviour is out of line. Secondly, the owner of said business has commented on this thread making me believe that said owner knows it is inappropriate to berate a 5 year old! Said owner must have had a really traumatic and sad childhood! I feel more pity for the owner than anger. I was able to remove my kid from an abusive environment maybe there wasn’t anyone to remove you from your childhood abuse!
Given the fact that I am the only poster here who seemed to think you were over reacting I think I should clarify that I am not a business owner although my family does patronize the business to which I strongly suspect you are referring. The owner of that business does post here but has (wisely I think) not commented on this thread.
The OP said that the owner HAD commented in the thread.
Well, if the owner has commented, then this is a completely different business than the one that I thought it was. I am scratching my head trying to imagine who the OP was referring to in that case.
My impression was that the OP was trying to suggest that I was the owner. The only thing I own is my house, my car and the clothes on my back.
You have a right to expect your children will be treated with respect, and that the people leading children in activities are actually aware of what comments/nicknames are appropriate for the age groups they teach. It was enough of an issue that an older child noticed and brought it to your attention. You shouldn't be paying someone to denigrate your child-his siblings will take care of that, for free, at home.
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Ok, either way, the child is out of the class. I think she should still say something to the owner. It's possible the owner is not aware of how hurtful what they said could be.