Do Convents Still Exist?

On behalf of a friend (truly), we are looking for a supportive residential + work community where she might live, work and get back on her feet.  We envision a modern-day convent with an active social mission where she might work, such as a soup kitchen, a farm, etc. 

Background: our friend has struggled with maintaining sobriety despite a number of tries at rehab at some of the country’s most high profile and respected centers.  Her troubles destroyed her marriage and precluded even supervised visitation with her children (divorce was processed outside the US in a place where addiction is grounds for termination of parental rights).  She is very bright and earned a JD, but for the past 10 years she’s been at home raising children.  She is an extraordinarily capable person, and very (too) giving of herself.  We don’t believe that she is strong enough to simply dust herself off and send out resumes to law firms. 

At this point, she has pretty much run out of money and her US-based family is not supportive. This is a bit of a Blue Jasmine situation (minus the financial misconduct), but she has no airs of entitlement.  What she needs is a supportive, structured, safe place to live and work, while she tends to her sobriety and rebuilds her emotional health.  We may be romanticizing convent life, but our instincts tell us that she would be a valued member of such a community and she would benefit enormously from it. 

Does anyone have experience with this type of thing?  We’re simply some of her friends – not her family – but we’re trying to help point her in the right direction and then walk her through the door.

Thank you for your willingness to read this and to offer constructive suggestions without judgment.

She might look into Dorothy Day house, and whether  workers there can also reside there. 

If she is presently sober, perhaps she could work in the office of a residential treatment center, with housing forming her pay? 

Has she looked at Oxford Houses? 

The Salvation Army runs a program that should fit the profile, they require a six moth commitment and provide the structure your friend may need

http://satruck.org/national-rehabilitation?_ga=1.1489075.301897270.1431368339&cm_mc_uid=71244524291714313683408&cm_mc_sid_51410000=1431368340

Great referrals - thank you.  I'll read up and figure out which ones might work for her.  If anyone has other ideas, please let me know.

breal said:

She might look into Dorothy Day house, and whether  workers there can also reside there. 

If she is presently sober, perhaps she could work in the office of a residential treatment center, with housing forming her pay? 

 She has lapses (part of the problem).

You might look at Genesis Farm.  I am not sure exactly how they operate currently  but at least back in the 1980s they were a religious work community.  

http://www.genesisfarm.org

cmarym said:

You might look at Genesis Farm.  I am not sure exactly how they operate currently  but at least back in the 1980s they were a religious work community.  

http://www.genesisfarm.org

sjdd said:

breal said:

She might look into Dorothy Day house, and whether  workers there can also reside there. 

If she is presently sober, perhaps she could work in the office of a residential treatment center, with housing forming her pay? 

 She has lapses (part of the problem).

 Might not structure and responsibility be part of the answer to that problem?

I hope your friend finds the solution. It sounds like she has a good support system in her friends.

.

PeggyC said:

sjdd said:

breal said:

She might look into Dorothy Day house, and whether  workers there can also reside there. 

If she is presently sober, perhaps she could work in the office of a residential treatment center, with housing forming her pay? 

 She has lapses (part of the problem).

 Might not structure and responsibility be part of the answer to that problem?

Absolutley.  100%.  Her current situation is not sustainable - she must find a place to live in the US where the community supports/requires healthy living and appreciates her struggles.  She is such a wonderful person, who is trying to cope with a very difficult situation (loss of her children, loss of housing, starting over at 43, maintaining sobriety, repatriating to the US, etc….)  It's complex and her friends are trying to help her find a stepping stone.

There are convents for Catholic Nuns...I never heard of any taking in other people.

Once upon a time it was possible to "retreat" to a convent, but I believe one usually paid to do that. And I don't think it's been done in a very, very, very long time.

I recall reading a book ,about 20 years ago, I think, by a poet who lived for about a year with a group of monks. I just googled it, it is The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris.

She was on a path of self-discovery, and went to a monastery in Minnesota to live among the Benedictine monks.  So that makes me think that such orders still exist.  You might want to get in touch with the Catholic and Episcopal Dioceses, and present the situation. They may have some suggestions.

There are a number of convents nearby (two in Mendham, for example) that accept women retreatants, typically for short stays. You might check retreatfinder.com and search by location.

St. John's convent in mendham has this about joining: http://www.csjb.org/Vocation.php  Looks like more of a lifetime gig, but they may have options. They are also on the same property as Daytop Village, if I recall correctly. Good luck to her! If this situation doesn't exist, it should!

Getting back into the legal profession might be the smaller issue, but I'd suggest she consult with the career services office at her law school. The marketplace has gotten much more competitive in the last decade - there are fewer traditional law firm jobs, but growth in areas such as financial and other regulatory compliance - and as a result some schools have gotten smarter and more aggressive in advising their alumni and being more proactive with employers. And some have one or two people who specialize in mid-career transitions.

I know a monastery in California that allows people to work at the monastery for lodging and food,  it will allow men to stay for free and not work to see if they might want to become a monk but obviously this is not allowed for women.  It is a Catholic Monastery.  Message me if you would like more info.

There is a big market for lawyers willing to work for a lower fee to help the disadvantaged.  There are many low income people suffering and being denied justice because they can't afford a lawyer.  I'm not saying to dedicate your life to being lower middle class by only charging $25-$50/hour....but helping the poor may be very therapeutic.

There are 20,000 innocent people in jail....and countless more convicted of less crimes that have ruined their lives..because they could not afford a lawyer.

Maybe working part time for a low fee would be a good way to re enter the field.....and then continue to dedicate a percentage of hours to the less fortunate....maybe 10 hours per week.....if all lawyers were required to take on at least 12 small cases per year-other than basic traffic (municipal court) or 1 larger case per year....it would make a big difference in many lives...even save lives...

Sincerely thanks to all for these wonderful suggestions.  I'm busy checking them out to determine what the possibilities might be.  I am heartened by your thoughtful responses and compassion.  Good job, MOL!

I read this book, too, and really enjoyed it.  If this is your type of thing, you might also enjoy The Spiral Staircase, by Karen Armstrong.

calliope said:

I recall reading a book ,about 20 years ago, I think, by a poet who lived for about a year with a group of monks. I just googled it, it is The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris.

She was on a path of self-discovery, and went to a monastery in Minnesota to live among the Benedictine monks.  So that makes me think that such orders still exist.  You might want to get in touch with the Catholic and Episcopal Dioceses, and present the situation. They may have some suggestions.

Thanks, sjdd.  I will put that on my list! I read her History of God

I'm astonished and strangely elated to find that convents and monasteries still provide this service. I'm glad I was wrong about that.

there might be something here, I googled farm work for room and board, our babysitter did "woof"ing, work on an organic farm, it might be a short-term change-of-scene possibility. http://www.backdoorjobs.com/farming.html

This looks terrific.  Thanks for the rec.

addiemoose said:

there might be something here, I googled farm work for room and board, our babysitter did "woof"ing, work on an organic farm, it might be a short-term change-of-scene possibility. http://www.backdoorjobs.com/farming.html

Oh boy, would I love to quit my life for a few months and just GO. That farm stuff is enticing. I hope your friend finds what she needs; with you helping her - such a great act of friendship and caring! - I'm sure she will !

. sorry, double post. erased.

I hope your friend finds her answers, SJDD.