Gender Dysphoria- Younger Child

seeking advice/resources and possibly therapist on Long Island who deals with gender identity/transgender in younger children. Child is 11, born female and has fully completed puberty already (I know! She has the body of an adult woman). Told me this week she is a boy. Wants to go by her boyish nickname but not change pronouns yet.  Not sure how to help right now. Any advice would be appreciated. I’m not her parent but am very close to her and spend a lot of time with her. She has shared that her parent hasn’t been very helpful or accepting. 


thank you! The child lives in Suffolk county on Long Island


Have you seen I am Jazz? She started as a toddler/preschool and just had confirmation surgery at 17.  I wouldn't be surprised if she has a website with resources


No. I’ll check her out. Thanks!


There was an article in The Atlantic about this recently.  I think Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia might be able to provide specialists.  The upshot of the article is most pediatricians are not trained in this field, so it’s best to seek out a specialist.


you mean for transition? I don’t think that’s an immediate need, is it? From what I’m reading so far, it’s too late for the early intervention to delay puberty.


I would guess a counselor first to let her sort this out and get comfortable with it.


the intervention for young children is to prevent puberty of the birth assigned gender...and trigger puberty for the other gender.


if you can at least catch segments of I am Jazz, you wouldn't be able to tell that she was born male if you passed her on the street, but sometimes she has a friend on who went through puberty for their birth gender and you can tell.


also look up a doctor Marcie Bowers.  She was born male, while she looks pretty good (and has the money for any possible treatments), she is not as feminine as most females.


it is possible an 11 year old is still going through puberty..it usually lasts a few years and it could be advisable to block hormones.  I wouldn't know about the possibility of starting male hormones at this point, but I would think it would be done....but without parental consent, that is not happening...family needs to deal with it before anything medical can be done.


a lot of this is still experimental.  not many young kids have gone through this....Jazz had a lot of issues to deal with because docs didn't have much experience with people like her...and different docs had different opinions.


her grandparents have some interesting adult conversations on the show..not sure what happens in this segment...but most grandparents wouldn't speak so frankly about typical gender issues, these grandparents are very open.




if it were me, I would talk with the child about taking the time to be sure.  I would let the child know that typical males do have a feminine side (even though many won't admit it) and typical females have a masculine side and it takes a lot of soul searching to understand yourself and find out if you truly are the other gender.  I would make sure the child knows its okay if they change their mind a million times when coming to a final decision and its okay if at various points they feel they are their birth assigned gender again.  And make sure they are aware of the concept of gender fluid.  That they don't have to fully commit to either gender, especially not as a teen or pre teen if they are not ready for that.

there have been stories of kids who thought they were trans, but later changed their mind.  i would want the child to feel safe either committing to be trans or going back to living in their birth gender...what ever is right for them.

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/john-lewis-gender-neutrality-trangender-children-medicalisation-lesbian-gay-education-a7946426.html


https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/true-stories/it-sounds-weird-how-this-girl-became-a-boy-then-changed-her-mind/news-story/a50010fa8625fd6825834d04c8742d2f


yes, of course. She’s nowhere near making a decision. She’s just saying it’s what she feels. It’s a fine balance though- if you tell the kid she may not be sure, she thinks you don’t believe her. 


I said are you okay with therapy for the next year or two to explore this coupled with buying any clothes you like and us using the nickname you prefer and she said yes, that’s good for now. 


Why not ask her why s/he feels this way and what s/he would like to do about it at this time?


joan_crystal said:
Why not ask her why s/he feels this way and what s/he would like to do about it at this time?

 That’s what the therapy should address.  


of course that’s what I asked her. And she says “I just do” and “ I don’t know”. Certainly a therapist knows how to get under that way better than I do. 


My sense is this may be more about a hatred of her mother and a desire to be nothing like her and/or a cry for attention. I don’t want to say that to her yet because I don’t want to be dismissive or say the wrong thing. I’d rather she explore it on her own and reach her own conclusion.


conandrob240 said:
you mean for transition? I don’t think that’s an immediate need, is it? From what I’m reading so far, it’s too late for the early intervention to delay puberty.


I would guess a counselor first to let her sort this out and get comfortable with it.

 Part of transitioning is the whole psychological evaluation for a few years before any surgery is done.  The article also addressed kids who were "sure" as children, later had the surgery and then regretted it, because they were confusing normal puberty symptoms with dysphoria.  Its definitely something that takes years from start to finish, and probably has few specialists who can navigate the process from evaluation, therapy and then to surgery.



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