Infertility and Gestational carrier/surrogate?!

Hello, I'm not 100% sure if this is where you post about questions or if anyone will even read what I have to write.

First off the internet makes it so easy to lookup information and to post some many topics, that for me its hard to read all of them;for those taking the time to read this thanks and hopefully you can help.

I'm having a VERY hard time navigating through making the decision to have a child via gestational carrier/surrogate and wanted to find out if there are others who have also and how most average american families deal with the astronomical costs. I know that a child is "priceless" but how does someone come up with $80k-$100k each round and that's if it's successful and if it's not multiples. Is there such a thing as a woman who loves being pregnant and wants to do this great deed for another woman?!

In starting this search especially online I find that everyone has a story and that every story matters, but I can't help but feel selfish in my search because I'm so lucky! I have a phenomenal husband who loves us; and who provides for us. When I say us, I mean myself, our son, and 2 cats. oh oh That's the hard part for us, I do have a son, and he's amazing! I am so thankful every day that GOD gave me him and that I was able to experience being pregnant and that I get to spend everyday with him. That's where I have a hard time, is it selfish of me to want other children? That our LIFE PLAN was to have more! Like I said before everyone has a story, mine is scary like most and we had trouble conceiving, went to an infertility specialist got pregnant eventually and during my C section I almost died and the choice was take my uterus or I would have died on the table. Obviously since I'm blogging I'm alive oh oh

Now what do I do? How do I continue the family that I do desperately want? I know another couple who depleted their savings and all their funds to just have 1 child, and they do now have a child; but it took years and cost enough money to send 2 kids to college.

Have you ever thought about being the oven for someone elses bun?!

I don't have anything valuable to add here, I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you as you make these decisions. They can't be easy, and I wish you the best of luck!

I am so very sorry you are going through this. Our stories are practically identical. My first was 4 1/2 when my second was born via gestational carrier after I too suffered a near fatal childbirth experience. It is a huge, costly and difficult decision. I never seemed to question my feelings of 'entitlement' about having a second child though I know some couples do. We were aged out of most adoption options and had a couple embryos from our first child's birth via IVF. From the second she was born, my now 6 year old felt like a gift from God. I can't imagine life without both of them.

Please feel free to private message me with your phone number if you want to talk. Good luck with whatever you decide. It's a nightmare process though we were lucky to finally find a lovely carrier couple who were married with two young children. The first pregnancy miscarried (like I didn't already suffer enough miscarriages) so the heartache continued. But in the end, I feel like the luckiest mom in the world for being able to have my little one.

I had 2 children via a gestational carrier. I am an open book about our experiences and opinions so please PM me and we can chat.

ldt3 said:
is it selfish of me to want other children.

Absolutely not.

I loved being pregnant. And if someone close to me needed my help to carry their child to term, I would seriously consider it.

thank so much for all your comments I really appreciate them and have responded to you all. It means so much that someone even took the time out of their busy life to read my lengthy blurb, let alone give advise.

thanks! great appreciated!

Hi Idt3,

It's good that you are asking about others' experiences because NJ law is very strict about surrogacy. Thanks to the legacy of Baby M, no money can be paid as a fee to a surrogate - even a gestational surrogate.

I can give you the name of an NJ lawyer who specializes in gestational surrogacy, using carriers who live in other states. There are many, many issues to consider - legal, medical, psychological, insurance -- and you are correct that the costs can reach six figures. The law firm has connections to finance companies that can arrange loans. Best of luck to your growing family.

I have responded via email message to everyone. If you would to reach me outside ,my email is

thanks again for all the advise, greatly apprecaited

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