I can't vouch for the authenticity of this.
It's quite likely that it has been re-purposed to suit an Australian audience.
(Bunnings is an Australian hardware store which, seemingly, stocks everything a handyman, builder or tradesperson might need to do the job. Burleigh Heads is a town in Queensland.)
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to Bunnings in Burleigh Heads. They hired him because he was so funny….NAME:Adam Landon Jones (Grumpy Bastard)SEX:Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)DESIRED POSITON:Company’s Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying in the first place – would I?DESIRED SALARY:$150,000 a year plus share options and a good redundancy package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.EDUCATION:Yes.LAST POSITON HELD:Target for middle management hostility.PREVIOUS SALARY:A lot less than I’m worth.MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.REASON FOR LEAVING:It was a crap job.HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:Any.PREFERRED HOURS:1:30 – 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:If I had one, would I be here’?DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 20kg.?:Of what?DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITON?:I may already be a winner of the Reader’s Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.DO YOU SMOKE?:On the job – no! On my breaks – yes!WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.NEAREST RELATIVE?:12 Kilometres DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:Oh yes. Absolutely
Earliest appearance I saw online was from 2003, attributed to a 17-year-old McDonald’s applicant.
“Target for middle management hostility” is funnier from a 75-year-old.
Burleigh Heads is a southern suburb of the Gold Coast, famed for the surf beaches (and the terrific Surf Livesaving Club opposite the lawn bowls club)
Bunnings is like your Lowes’.
Med line Home Care Basic Bed $1 More info
Little Tikes Jump 'n Slide Dry Bouncer $100 More info
FREE >> ESPN Ping Pong & Air Hockey Table $0 More info
3 Beds-2.5 Bath