When kids won't sleep alone...
Through most of human history family and even extended or non family units would have mostly slept in one space. And wold have done everything in that space. So I do not see the problem.
I have a boy and girl who are almost teens as well. They too have separate rooms, but 98% perent of the time they prefer to sleep in the same room. I'm not stressed at all. I'm grateful for their relationship.
I think one or the other will start deciding to sleep alone as puberty approaches. The other one will be hurt. My little brother and I used to bathe together and had great fun. At some point I decided I wanted to bathe alone and he was sad about it and didn't understand why. But he got over it! They'll work it out when they are ready.
The only annoying part is if one sleeps at a friend's house, the other shows up in my room with a pillow and sleeping bag. They literally cannot sleep alone in a room.
adifferentone said:
The only annoying part is if one sleeps at a friend's house, the other shows up in my room with a pillow and sleeping bag. They literally cannot sleep alone in a room.
They will get over that too. I guess you're lucky that they usually sleep with each other then.
I have no advice but can I add a tag on question? What's the thinking on whether healthy for kids to sleep with a parent every night? What age should it stop? (Not worried about any abuse at all, FYI, more concerned from an independence and personal development/esteem perspective)
adifferentone said:
The only annoying part is if one sleeps at a friend's house, the other shows up in my room with a pillow and sleeping bag. They literally cannot sleep alone in a room.
I find this quite sweet. Annoying but sweet. Maybe you need to smudge the house? Get the goblins out?
Conandrob, you sort of hit the nail on the head. I guess my real question is, at some point, is it unhealthy to not be able to sleep alone? My kids do this not out of closeness, but out of a conviction that if left alone in a room overnight, they will surely get kidnapped, eaten by the boogieman, or at the very least, plagued by horrible nightmares. Is this a self-esteem or confidence issue?
Annemarie - I've actually considered doing a whole house smudge with the kids! Maybe I need to just do it.
my situation is driven by the parent who "is lonely". The kids want it too but they are also perfectly fine elsewhere if I tell them they are sleeping alone in their own room. And, no, this isn't a result of the divorce I mentioned in other threads. It's been going on for years. The oldest slept with his mother every single night until he was about 12 yrs old.
and, yes, my thinking is that a child learns independence and self-esteem by milestones such as sleeping alone. When my niece stays here, she sleeps alone without a fight and I find her doing very creative, interesting things in her room if she wakes up before me like drawing or writing a short little book. She seems to enjoy the solitude and personal space. I worry that the constant sleeping with her mother isn't healthy for them past a certain age.
conandrob240 said:
my situation is driven by the parent who "is lonely". The kids want it too but they are also perfectly fine elsewhere if I tell them they are sleeping alone in their own room. And, no, this isn't a result of the divorce I mentioned in other threads. It's been going on for years. The oldest slept with his mother every single night until he was about 12 yrs old.
life is too short and they grow up too fast, worry about something else. it's fine.
I think the kids are fine in both cases. If one wants to sleep alone, the other will have to adjust when the time comes.
As long as mom isn't forcing daughter to sleep with her when daughter doesn't want to sleep in mom's bed it's fine and frankly no one else's business.
Sleeping alone is mostly a modern western construction. Of course as much as I support co sleeping, I sleep way better alone. Almost never get to do it though.
this is just one worry in a score of more important ones so I will, indeed, let this one go.
My kids hate sleeping alone. They each have always had their own bedroom, but sleep better when they are together. On one hand, I think the ability to sleep alone is a skill that is good for all kids. On the other hand, their boys cousins share a room due to space issues and will do so until they leave for college, and it's not causing their parents any concern.
The problem, you ask? They are headed into their teen years and are a boy and a girl. Privacy isn't an issue, they each get their pjs on in their own rooms and sleep in separate beds. Eventually one will kick the other out (and they do during sleepovers). Would I not even be stressing about this if they were both boys or both girls? I'd probably think it was cute. So, what's the consensus? Issue or non-issue?