More nonsense in the MMS hallways

Good reason for the girls to keep videoing. This kind of confrontation would be in my practice of dealing with obnoxious boys as well as a turn around and a loud voice of what are you looking at and what is your problem!

The boys should be made the victim, not the girls.

SGW said:

Unfortunately our daughter has had similar experiences for the past 3 years at MMS. We have reported the incidents to the school and have had many conversations with the administration and guidance staff. I will say prior to this year, the administration seemed less vocal in addressing the offenders.

In our daughter's most recent experience, the district determined that she was the victim of bullying. The offender's punishment - none (other than discussions between the parents, child and administration).

We are in the process of pushing for the segregation of the offender from any of our daughter's classes as she moves to CHS.

Oy. Glad to see they take bullying and harassment seriously. Understood if you choose to post no further on the topic, and not that I think the punishment was sufficient in the absolute least, but has the behavior stopped?

This is harassment and assault. It can be excruciatingly painful for the victim and can have long lasting harmful consequences. Your daughter may be able to handle herself but it is clear that there are other victims as well and they may not be as self assured. Having to listen to a boy say those things must be horrible enough but inappropriate touching elevates this to a criminal level. By reporting this to you, your daughter has come to you and asked for help. She can handle herself but she is also asking for help. Make sure she gets it. Do not relent until those boys have been forced to stop their behavior.

It is clear that the administrations response to this and other incidents reported here is woefully inadequate. Go to the police. Get a lawyer if you have to.

The perpetrators are breaking the law. Although they are young and immature they are old enough to know that what they are doing is very wrong , even cruel. They also are being taught that they can get away with cruelty, assault, harassment and that the rules don't apply to them. The very best thing that could happen to them, the very best learning experience for them would be to suffer consequences for their actions.

Based on what has been reported above, and the lack of adequate response by those responsible for curbing this behavior and protecting the young women in their care, I strongly urge you , I beg you to go to the police. ( after giving the middle school administration and the superintendent a head's up )

These young men are juveniles. Their records ( if it even goes that far) will be sealed and this will not follow them for the rest of their lives. But if they get away with this their very very bad behavior will likely continue and escalate - and eventually there will be consequences that could follow them for ever.

An overall desire to reduce the suspension rate is not relevant to investigating a complaint, and, if a violation is found, imposing appropriate consequences.

That is like saying the prisons are overcrowded so the police should not investigate reported crimes.

I am ready to explode, reading this!!!!! You are handling it very maturely. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to keep myself from entering the school and running those boys down, then going to visit their parents! It is not my child, and I almost feel the need to do this. I hope you get some justice and peace for your daughter and yourselves from the administration. This is absolutely sickening and intolerable.

Its a horrible thing to deal with. I too say go to the police. Let them decided if it was criminal or not. Thats there job. I feel the school is responsible for keeping students safe, and enforcing the rules. Some rules don't get taught at school, and shouldn't. Its the families responsibility. If some one gets in a fight or steals something, its not the school fault for not teaching it. Its the families responsibility. If someone stabs someone, its a criminal offense , not a reminder that we have to teach students not to hurt each other. As youths we are told to keep our hands to ourselves, this applies to more then this situation. I hope this gets resolved, and that what was told to op was the whole story. What if it escalates? Or something worse happens? Just my two cents.

Self defense with violence may or may not be defensible. It depends on whether it is perceived as a necessary and last resort. Do you trust the school to make this determination? I wouldn't.

@rukidding, breaking the law is not evidence of understanding of the law. These are children, and the message hasn't gotten through yet.

@Tom Reingold, see post above yours.

I'm not saying the school failed to teach the lesson, but they do have to enforce the rules of decency. They can't just turn a blind eye.

I admit that I did not read every post on this thread. I work in a school (different district). I suspect this might not be considered bullying (the behavior must meet very, very specific criteria in order to be considered bullying). It sounds like sexual harassment, which may have far have more serious ramifications.
You should not need an attorney and as wonderful as a HSA can be, forget them; This is very straightforward. Let either the school administrator or superintendent know that you expect a fast and thorough investigation and that, otherwise you will pursue a civil rights (Title IX) complaint as these boys are creating a hostile environment. You will get their attention fast. (And, this is not "nonsense" its assault.)

By an easy count I see 3 posters telling the same story. The train is on the tracks.

If (when) Mary writes a story or someone finally forwards this thread to the cops, or one of the three makes a phone call (or presumably all those reading this who had similar experiences and haven't posted) it's going to be a total ***** show. People will lose their jobs and maybe worse. Too many people telling the same story.

The mood of the world is to absolutely ***** hammer people in positions of power who ignore sexual misconduct- churches, colleges, etc. Are people asleep?

If I was the principal, super, or someone who took a report and blew it off I'd be on the phone with the cops making sure my tail was good and covered.

Whoever calls the cops can be assured they are not going to blow it off. They're going to investigate fully, because even if it seems sketchy or Micky Mouse (it appears to be neither but to make the point) they aren't going to risk their careers burying it.

This must be reported to the police ...the protection of your children from this onslaught and continuous behavior must be stopped immediately .
It continues because no one has stopped them... They gain momentum as a result of the non reporting ...bravado ..
PLEASE. Help your daughter take action and get them booted out ... What nerve .
Your daughter deserves to know that she is protected by you ... Not that you will vacillate .

FYI - the school called me today. Seems someone reported it to them there was a thread on MOL and they put two and two together. I deferred it to my wife who will go meet with the school. This is what I wanted but it is a shame to have to publicly bash the school to get them to respond. It is also crazy to me that several others have reported similar experiences of the school doing little or nothing.

cleg said:

FYI - the school called me today. Seems someone reported it to them there was a thread on MOL and they put two and two together. I deferred it to my wife who will go meet with the school. This is what I wanted but it is a shame to have to publicly bash the school to get them to respond. It is also crazy to me that several others have reported similar experiences of the school doing little or nothing.

Good.

But if there are three parents who reported this here , one who said this has been going on for at least 3 years, can you imagine how many young women were harassed this way.

And after years of this the behavior continues with no consequences.

Who ever is responsible for enforcing discipline at MMS should lose his or her job. That person has been horribly ( perhaps criminally ) negligent.

Meet with the middle school, but this absolutely should be reported to the police.

I'd like to offer these girls a free self defense class, just in case the boys get physical.
Maplewoodkarate.net

cleg said:

FYI - the school called me today. Seems someone reported it to them there was a thread on MOL and they put two and two together. I deferred it to my wife who will go meet with the school. This is what I wanted but it is a shame to have to publicly bash the school to get them to respond. It is also crazy to me that several others have reported similar experiences of the school doing little or nothing.

I just want to say thank you for speaking up.

cleg said:

FYI - the school called me today. Seems someone reported it to them there was a thread on MOL and they put two and two together. I deferred it to my wife who will go meet with the school. This is what I wanted but it is a shame to have to publicly bash the school to get them to respond. It is also crazy to me that several others have reported similar experiences of the school doing little or nothing.

Wow. Wow.

Glad you got some movement. But....It took a thread on a public message board to get attention. And they knew EXACTLY who to call. How utterly pathetic.

Harassed and assaulted children? "You handle it".

Bad publicity? "Can we talk about this?"

The wrong people with the wrong priorities.

No skin in the game, but I think bureaucratic evasion is shameful, and I'm glad they have been spurred into action. Equally glad for the solidarity of support on this thread (despite the diversity of solutions proffered).

I'm a big supporter in letting the system work, but sometimes I just want to dress up like a giant bat and kick the ***** out of evildoers. This thread edged me closer to that.

Please let us know what the outcome is, and thank you for speaking up. As someone said upthread, three parents on this thread alone have daughters who were victimized. I'm sure there are more parents who are not on MOL, or (more likely) more daughters who haven't told their parents. If these boys don't receive a punishment appropriate to their crimes, I can only imagine what they think they'll be able to get away with in college.

I honestly could care less about IB or leveling or test scores or what not, but THIS is the only thing that gives me pause about the school system here. I would never let my kids go to a school every day where they feel unsafe for any reason. And I hope someone from the schools reads this because I know many parents feel the same way. and if the district won't deal with personal safety issues like this (and fighting, etc) in a swift and no-tolerance manner, I'd rather know now than later.

Jackson_Fusion said:

cleg said:

FYI - the school called me today. Seems someone reported it to them there was a thread on MOL and they put two and two together. I deferred it to my wife who will go meet with the school. This is what I wanted but it is a shame to have to publicly bash the school to get them to respond. It is also crazy to me that several others have reported similar experiences of the school doing little or nothing.

Wow. Wow.

Glad you got some movement. But....It took a thread on a public message board to get attention. And they knew EXACTLY who to call. How utterly pathetic.

Harassed and assaulted children? "You handle it".

Bad publicity? "Can we talk about this?"

The wrong people with the wrong priorities.

"Gee, we had no idea!"

Unreal.

@ctrzaska - yes the boy in question has stopped behaving that way toward my daughter. I wouldn't want to bet that he isn't behaving that way toward others.

To be clear, the behavior over the 3 years involved several different boys. In the minds of these perpetrators, it seems that girls who present some threat (don't ask me how) or have some position that is believed unwarranted need to be put in their place through demeaning sexual commentary.

Having recently attended the CHS production of Ragtime and the MMS production of The Wiz (sorry we didn't get to the SOMS production of Once Upon a Mattress) we are constantly amazed and in awe of the character and qualities of so many of our community's young people. Unfortunately, our community also has our share of some really troubled youth.

SGW said:

Unfortunately, our community also has our share of some really troubled youth.

And it starts with the parents. That is why I don't think that talking to the parents would necessarily help.

I remember at 8th grade graduation the parents were clearly asked not to applaud or cheer when their child's name was called but wait until the end. It was reiterated after the first parent disregarded the request. A small but notable number of parents completely disregarded the request and yelled and clapped with gusto. Complete disrespect for "authority"

Many of those were parents of kids who were known to have been in trouble at some point. No wonder...

bigriver said:

I'd like to offer these girls a free self defense class, just in case the boys get physical.
Maplewoodkarate.net

Despicable !

denniss said:

bigriver said:

I'd like to offer these girls a free self defense class, just in case the boys get physical.
Maplewoodkarate.net

Despicable !

?

Gotta reinforce icdart's comment above: if you haven't gone to the police you need to immediately, regardless of what the school does or doesn't do.

mja said:

Gotta reinforce icdart's comment above: if you haven't gone to the police you need to immediately, regardless of what the school does or doesn't do.

I disagree. If the school is now being genuinely responsive, do that first.

AliGrant said:

SGW said:

Unfortunately, our community also has our share of some really troubled youth.

And it starts with the parents. That is why I don't think that talking to the parents would necessarily help.

I remember at 8th grade graduation the parents were clearly asked not to applaud or cheer when their child's name was called but wait until the end. It was reiterated after the first parent disregarded the request. A small but notable number of parents completely disregarded the request and yelled and clapped with gusto. Complete disrespect for "authority"

Many of those were parents of kids who were known to have been in trouble at some point. No wonder...

That must be why those parents are so excited that their children marginally exceeded the district's minimal standards for graduation.

+1

@denniss, So what's despicable, the offer to help the girl's in learning a little self defensive? Sounds like you would be one of those boys doing the harrasing, now that is despicable.

cleg said:

We will reach out to the school again and we will continue to support our daughter in how she wants to handle this.

These are middle schoolers, and as smart and savvy as they may be, they are hardly equipped to determine how to handle this matter. There are many wise and helpful suggestions here, but none of those suggest self-help on the part of the victims. Please consider contacting an attorney,immediately. This is not a petty annoyance, it is a crime. The school is charged with a mandate to provide a safe atmosphere in which to learn. They are not living up to that mandate.