Sarabeth and Simon's legacy: Charlotte

How unfair it is that we have our beloved pets for such a short time.  My heart aches for you and Gracie.

>sigh< musicmz, you hit the nail on the head-- it is the injustice that is so painful.  And I keep trying to go over the last few weeks and wonder if I missed some small sign or symptom in Sarabeth---but I know I didn't, at least within the scope of my limited knowledge.  As you can see, right now I am in the phase of second guessing myself---a futile exercise---it changes nothing, but maybe will wake me up to something in the future.  But it is really too soon for me to think about future cats---even though I did make a visit to Petfinder yesterday---but nothing seemed right.

Gracie and I both need time.

The wonderful advice you gave me about how to introduce Millie and Marvin shows just how attuned you are to cats, especially yours. I can't imagine there is one single thing you could have done differently. You loved both your cats like crazy up until the last possible moment, and at the end of the day that's what matters. Even though I'm sure it hurts like hell. 

Calli, I'm sorry for your loss.  May you find strength and comfort in the days ahead. After all, she had the best caregiver and companion one little purty cat could ask for. 

I did not know you nor your dear cats IRL, but, as someone who has been owned by a cat - or two - in my life since I was a child, I understand your grief. Loving another, whether man or beast, brings great joy to our lives, but ultimately great pain. Your beautiful Gracie will comfort you in the wise way of animals.

I'm sure that if there was anything to be done earlier, you would have done it. Right now, you have to heal.  

When the time is right, you'll start looking in earnest.  Until then, it's you and Gracie.  >< 

Second-guessing seems to be part and parcel of great love. I am still second-guessing myself about my mother, complete with horrible self-blaming nightmares. It goes with the territory. Mine is just now abating, thanks to some serious work on my part.

Thank you all, again. It is really comforting to read your understanding and wise words.  I am glad that many of you came to know my pets through MOL. Maybe some of you remember Defcon's novella "Working Vacation" in which Sarabeth has a pivotal role as a spy for the bunnies (I think that was what she did) but she was portrayed as clever and stealthy and smart-- and she was very much like that in real life.  But the real Sarabeth was a very tender and affectionate cat. And brave. She was very brave.  I remember one time when I tripped over the dog,Gracie yelped, I screamed, and Sarabeth came out of nowhere, hissing and puffed up and bopping Gracie on the nose, furiously.  I know she thought I was in danger, and rushed to my protection, with no regard for her own safety. 

She was a very gutsy girl,having lived on the streets of Ft. Dix after the first deployment to Iraq,when service people just opened their doors and let their pets out.  I was told she eluded capture for a few weeks (and then wound up in an awful Federally operated pound) and yet, when I got her, she could have not been more loving and sweet.  When she was younger, she was a bit of an escape artist. She never went very far, and easily let me get her, but that wore off as the years wore on, and I think she realized how cushy she had it here.

I miss Simon too, I still think I hear him every now and then (he was a very vocal cat) but the unexpected loss of Sarabeth almost feels as though it is more than this old heart can bear.  She was my special cuddle cat.

calliope, you bring tears to my eyes.  Many of us know the pain you are describing while remembering our own furry family members who we have lost.

Calliope, I am so very sorry for your (double) loss, esp. in such a sort period of time. I've lost 2 precious babies myself in the last few months and have one currently on fluids, nearing the end. It's heart-wrenching but SO worth it to be blessed with so much love. You write so beautifully about them - thank you for sharing your memories. Please know there are many thoughts and prayers with you.

Thanks,mlj and maggiesmom, please know that I feel and appreciate the thoughts and prayers.  I am trying to make lemonade ( salty lemonade, seasoned with tears,as it is) thinking maybe this would be a good opportunity for me to foster---but I find I just don't have the heart for it, right now---

Give yourself some time to get past the rawness of this terrible double loss. And I am so glad you have Gracie to keep you company and offer -- and receive -- love. You'll know when you are ready to foster.

We still can't handle another companion after Min, not even one of the robot furries. Feeding the wild birds outside our kitchen window seems to be enough responsibility just now. 

Calli, do you still have active connections with the kitty rescue workers? I seem to recall many years ago you volunteered at a shelter...I was thinking you might get some feline kisses there. (Not another kitty, just the cuddles and kisses) 

You and Grace are lucky to have each other as you grieve. I picture her head on your lap as you sit together, nestling as close as she can for a scritch. 

JTA is watching over all our companions, I'm sure (if you believe in such things). I'm sure they listen to her as much as they did to us, too!   

Funny, Joanne, because after Simon was gone I thought of Jeannemarie---and her gifts of Christmas ornaments--- I mourned her and Simon, and had a reassuring feeling of connection---she actually met him, one of the few who can actually boast of that, and she loved Sarabeth, who was a very cuddly cat. But I can imagine her very angry at my twin losses.

Yes, I still have connections, and one very kind rescuer has already contacted me---but, selfishly, I need a little distance from the pain and shock, before I can give my whole heart to another cat in need. And none of them deserve any less.

I brought Sarabeth's ashes home, today.  I have quite a little collection of small wooden boxes. 

Very bittersweet, calliope. I have several of these boxes, too. They always seem too small to hold the spirit and love of the animals inside them. I was sad, but also comforted, to have them back home where they belonged.  (((hugs)))

Thanks, cody.  You summed beautifully my mixed emotions---although I spent much of the day with a headache from crying.  I do feel better that she is back with us.  I know this will sound overly precious, but when I opened the bag and took the little box out (I also have a pawprint) Gracie came over to lick my tears away. Then she sniffed the box in my hand, and very tenderly licked the box--- a final kiss good-bye. Destroyed me.

My thoughts are with you, calliope. I lost my Rocky yesterday & my eyes are still stinging from all the salt. They take a chunk of your heart when they go and sometimes it seems like there's not enough left of it to beat. But somehow it does & we learn to live with the pain. xx

Oh maggiesmom, I am so, so very sorry! Sending virtual  {{{hugs}}}

I got up from bed, last night, my feet were uncharacteristically cold.  It suddenly washed over me that I have no cat on my feet.  I have not been without a cat for more than a week, in 30 years. 

...but still... I am not ready.

I've never been very close to dogs; known some sweet ones but not shared living space with them. Now my brother's family is moving here, I'll get to be Aunty to their golden lab, Sandi. He's just over rambunctious puppy stage, about 4 years old I think. It will be nice to have animal company, without all the responsibility.

It's really interesting how we've been adopted by all the wild birds hereabouts, however. They're all flocking in, more and more as more old houses are being pulled down for development. It seems a special privilege to have them all visit as often as they do, almost as if Min sent them to keep us company Last night I noticed two Powerful Owls have moved into the area, and are watching over the front yard. Very rare indeed.

Calli, I wholeheartedly recommend socks and a heating pad in bed for the feet. My cats frequently lie on my feet, but not always. So I supplement. Like you, though, I would miss horribly the familiar pressure of Mischa at my right shoulder and Anya between my knees.   

So empty, on so many levels.    

I know. I have been there many times, but I have never lost two loved pets at a time. I can only imagine. I remember when we lost Sasha in 2009, even though we had only had her for five years, we were both devastated. I could hardly bring myself to vacuum her favorite sleeping place because I hated to lose the last remnants of her beautiful orange hair, and it was months before I stopped automatically preparing her medications in the morning and evening when I fed the others. I cried every time, for months. The holes they leave are so awful. As I said above, I'm very very glad you have Gracie for company and comfort.

calliope, maybe you both just need a diversion like a trip to a pet store or a marathon of YouTube cute cat videos. I know it's not  the same as your darling pets but some sort of relief is in order.

Ohhhh, poor Gracie. I'm so sorry...

I'm so sorry to hear that Gracie is having such a hard time, calli. I see how Betty is struggling without Brooklyn and it hurts my heart to know they're both grieving so much. I'm still having a tough time so I can only imagine how you're feeling. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and your Gracie girl. 

Thank you, wallflower--- I hope Betty perks up soon.  I am trying my best with Gracie, (I hope this video works)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uvIhLBTGc4

I'm afraid the video didn't work for me... it asked me to "sign in."